Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
