I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
