Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
