i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
