Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
