Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
