ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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