You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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