so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
