Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
