there's paper in my vomit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
