I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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