I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
