I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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