i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
