Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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