i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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