look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
