you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
