Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
