shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
everyone is single if you try hard enough
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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