K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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