I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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