Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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