yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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