Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
