Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
