were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Shame is for Republicans.
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