There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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