i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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