We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
