we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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