I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My balls are so social today.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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