is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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