There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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