Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All the doctor said was why
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
