I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
