I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
