You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize