3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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