hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
