Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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