I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
