It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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