Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sorry about my life...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
