I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
