I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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