As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
no, he came in my armpit
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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