considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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