I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
