Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My cat gives me a boner
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
