Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
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Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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