Soap is not a condiment
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
