I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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