Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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