I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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