Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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