I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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