so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
