wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
