she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize