me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
