Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
