I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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