I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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