He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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