i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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