Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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